Facing the Negative Voice

I love to write. It seems that when I do, the thoughts in my head become so much more organized, and precise. I can adjust, edit, elaborate, and clear my head of all the noise that is CONSTANTLY buzzing around up there. It quiets my thoughts and keeps me focused.

The last 3 weeks have been INCREDIBLE! I have felt happy, grateful, full of life and energy! I have felt empowered. But somehow, it never fails, something comes in to cast a shadow on my light and has me slipping into bad habits and a bit of self-destruction. I have come a long way from complete annihilation, but there is this long standing belief, that I know is untrue, that I revert to when things get tough. That somehow I must be broken.

Sad tears flow when I hear something stated that is completely false, but somehow awakens the voice of negativity. What I manage to muffle into a soft whisper, after a lot of hard work, suddenly turns into a boisterous scream, AGAIN, and it can be very difficult to ignore. For every negative thing said I need at least 100's of positive things said to refute it. It doesn't seem fair.

Right now all I want to do is rant, to tell you how unfair, and cruel people can be. But I refuse to let it take over. I am doing my best. That's all I can do. I do what works for me. I don't ask permission, and live my life the best I can in all aspects. I work on my weaknesses to make them strengths, but that is a slow process. One that takes small steps and small changes. So to those who can't accept that? SAVE your judgements, ridicule, and negative opinions on how I live my life! Whatever insecurities you may have that you throw-up on me to make yourself feel better SAVE IT!!!! I don't have time, energy, or the ability to take it on. There's the door! SLAM!!!

I slowly turn around face myself in the mirror, cry, and do my best to remember the things that matter most. "To him that hath NO sin, cast the first stone." In my moment of weakness this scripture came to mind. The thought then came to me that no one is sinless, and while they may act as if all is well, somewhere hidden from view, is their own self-image that they despise and don't want to take the time to face, are deeply afraid to, or don't know how. One thing I can do is that. I can sift through the "stuff" and find the message that is reserved for me. Believe me the fight comes out, but eventually I come back to that image of myself in the mirror. What do I want to be remembered for when I leave this earth? Who am I? How can I be better today? And then I get to work. But like I said it takes time, tears, and some serious sweat, but eventually I get the message. I do my best. I show up. I keep showing up. Just SHOW UP for life. Hiding behind glass doors is not much of a hiding place. My glass door is food, or anger, frustration, and silence. But eventually I stop hiding and I realize I wasn't hiding at all.

But for now in my moment of weakness I keep looking, and digging. I share my struggle because I feel in some way it gives me strength. It keeps me honest, accountable. Yes I gave in to chocolate covered raisins, and pretzels, a chocolate bar, butter smothered popcorn. It was not my most shining moment, and I know I've been trying to escape the anger, and sadness I feel. But for this brief moment it reminds me that I have more work to do. This food means something I'm running from. Oh yes, I remember, I am NOT broken! I am beautiful just as I am. I have the power to change my life. I have the power to change. Thank you food for the reminder, and now I CHOOSE to move on.

The Power of KNOWING Who You Are!

Beautiful women inspire me every day, and I'm not talking about physical appearance either. Seeing someone's BEFORE and AFTER is motivational, sure, but inspiration goes so much deeper than the outward appearance. I love people, I love the battle for good, I love trials (mostly when they're over :), and I love having a purpose.

The formula for weight loss is easy: burn more calories than you consume. Simple enough, right? NO WAY, what you get to take into account is the emotional, and mental side of the equation, and that part is much more complicated.

2 years ago I saw the informercial for P90X and thought "THAT'S IT, my answer to ALL my problems!" PUUULLLLEEEASE people! Making the decision is only the FIRST step. The battle that goes on later is much more invasive. You see, I based my self esteem on the reflection in the mirror. I thought that if I could fix that image I would be happy. The problem was no matter how small I got I was NEVER good enough. I would pick apart every little flaw. And then I would binge, and feel horrible, and then get strict again, and then binge. The cycle was damaging, and I didn't like the example I was setting for my kids. I was angry and frustrated, and I couldn't understand how people do it. How do their "AFTER'S" look so good?! What's the matter with me?!!! And there in that phrase was my problem. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with me. My worth is NOT determined by stuff, by weight, by people's opinions, by success, by any of the worldly garbage that is thrown in our face DAILY!!! I am beautiful, I have a purpose, I know who I am, I know where happiness and joy come from.

The journey to a healthy life is NOT traveled on one road. It is NOT just healthy eating, and exercise. It is not just attending church, and reading scriptures. It is NOT just rolling in money and traveling the world, or owning stuff. It is NOT a perfect body with the perfect breasts, or a tiny waist, and flawless skin, or for you men, the perfect pecs, a six pack, and a loaded wallet. A healthy life is being at peace, and content, NOT complacent, CONTENT! Do you really want to be fit, and feel good? Than you must follow a very important formula. First, self-reflection. Do you know who you are? If you don't than you have some work to do.

If you don't know how to self-reflect than here's where you start. Ask someone you trust, whom you love and they love you, and who KNOW YOU, to tell you what they see in you. Then take out a notepad, or journal and write down EVERYTHING they said. Then you kneel down in prayer, and I don't care what religion or faith you have, if you believe in a higher power, whom I lovingly call Heavenly Father, then you kneel down and ask Him if what has been written down is true. Then you ask for HIS help. You pour your heart out, sob til you have nothing left. Ask HIM what HE sees in you, and you will have your answer. He will tell you! Write down your impressions, write down those feelings, Thank Him for EVERYTHING, let HIM embrace you and bask in the glorious feeling of that love. Then you reflect.

Know that you are not alone on this difficult journey. I am here! You have people that love you, and honor you. Lean on them. I have a group on facebook that I have started called Staying Fit and Loving It, to me, it is more than just fitness and nutrition, it is a group of people battling and fighting to be better, do better, and feel better. If you want to be a part of it please let me know in the comments below, or email me at fit2bhappy@ymail.com

We need each other, we need to know we matter. Trust the process, and show up for yourself, you deserve it.

Sugar and How I've Overcome it...so far;)

I wanted to share a little bit about my experience with food, sugar in particular. We've had a bit of a love/hate relationship, but I've come to terms with it. It hasn't been the easiest journey either, and probably some of my lowest moments. You know how you look at people sometimes and think, "UGH! They have it ALL together! Do they EVER struggle, with ANYTHING?!" Let me tell you something WE ALL STRUGGLE! Some wear their struggle on the outside, while others can easily hide it, but regardless we all have our weaknesses. Please hold all judgement aside while I share a deeply personal struggle of my own. First a little background....

I've been doing Beachbody programs for about 2 years now. I own almost ALL of them. I've found my passion and I'm running with it, and I share it with anyone who will listen. This is the reason I became a coach. These programs work, and they change lives, MINE in particular. My journey in fitness has taught me a great deal, but one of my biggest lessons has been learned only recently. I was a compulsive binge eater. I say "was" because I've recently crawled my way off of the crazy train and have landed among friends! This is an excerpt of one of my low moments.

Lately I have been on this emotional roller coaster. When I'm up I'm UP, but when I'm down look out ice cream, candy, popcorn smothered in butter, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate! And then it gets worse! I beat myself up, saying things to myself that I wouldn't say to my worst enemy. I never remember being so obsessed with food until after I got into fitness so heavily. I can honesty say I am FANTASTIC at pushing myself physically. I rarely miss a workout, but my eating is out of control a lot of the time. I'll go on these binges where all "rules" fly out the window. I feel out of control. There is a deep emotion that I know exists, but I'm not sure how to deal with it, or even what it is.

I HATE the weakness in myself, and anytime it comes out, fully exposed, I want to run and hide. I know that everyone has weaknesses, we're human for crying out loud, but why can't I accept my own short comings and move on? I'm supposed to be strong, and above all this...Ha...I'm lying to myself. I am so NOT above this. Looking at me you wouldn't think I struggle with food, but deep inside there is this frightened little girl that is afraid I won't get anything I've dreamed of getting. That maybe I really don't have what it takes, and that no one will take me seriously. The things I do accomplish there is always some reason that it happened by accident, or coincidence. If it's something I failed at it's ALWAYS my fault, alone, just me. I need the support of those who get it, and maybe I can figure out how to control it, if that's possible.

So what had me turning a corner? FRIENDS! Real-authentic-actually-care-about-me friends. I am a people pleaser, or was ;) I have always been afraid to shine because I would become a target for negativity. It seemed like when I was feeling my best I had a sign on my forehead that said, "TEAR ME DOWN BECAUSE I'M HAPPY!!!" The insulters and haters would come out of the woodwork. They'd show up in all forms, and the worst part is, I WOULD BELIEVE WHAT THEY SAID! I would climb back into my shell, and escape with a donut. I would go into a food coma, because maybe they're right, maybe I am too intense, or loud, or happy. Maybe I'm not eating enough, or should tone it down. I should try to be something else then. And every time I would try to smother who I was, I would find myself looking in the pantry, or refrigerator.

That's also when my friends would reach out to me, or say something I needed in that moment, even if it was "Hey, I've been thinking about you!" That's when I realized that all I need ever be is myself. Once I embraced that, once I realized I can serve more people by being who I am, by SHINING! EVERYTHING changed.

Sugar was only an addiction because I gave it power to be. I didn't believe I could be anything more than average because EVERYONE told me it's selfish to want to be so lean, or it was a waste of time, or too vain, etc.

Sugar is NOT the enemy, it's NOT bad! It should be eaten in moderation, but it's okay to indulge and enjoy, just plan for it. Be conscious. Moderation merely means small portions. Have a few bites, enjoy those bites, and then be done.

Also lean on your friends, or your coach ;) Look outside yourself! Serve someone else because it will serve you. And most important SHOW UP for yourself! You deserve it.

Create the time you think you don't have

I've been away for a little too long...it seems that the ipad is too easy to use for all internet needs, except I can't blog on it? So out of convenience week after week I have failed to go down the stairs to use my laptop in the basement...it's silly really, but out of sight out of mind I suppose. No matter I am here now.

There are a few things on my mind so bare with me as I try to organize my thoughts.

First, my feet...argh. I never really appreciate parts of my body until they start to bother me. Plague #1 I have never had an issue with dry, cracked feet until lately. The bottom of my feet look like scales on an alligator, only my scales peel, and hurt unless they are in shoes at all times. Plague #2 I think I have a heel spur, which occurs from chronic overuse. This makes perfect sense because I am jumping, and running, and squatting, and lunging every day. Plague #3 hard calluses have developed on my big toes, and the side of the pad of my foot. This really isn't that big of a deal only I got rid of them after high school because I wasn't nearly as active. So this has become a testament to my increased physical activity. They aren't pretty, but it's part of my new lifestyle, so I should show them proudly I suppose. So instead of plague #3 it is Trophy #1.

That was one of my thoughts, I'm sure you are so blown away by how interesting all of that was. No matter, it was interesting to me...lol. Now for my next thought... Children...pretty broad topic, but a huge part of my life.

First, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing as a mother most of the time. I've also noticed the more I want to do things for myself, the more frustrated I get when my kids interrupt. Here's my thinking. I know my kids need my attention, need me to serve them, need me to discipline them, teach them, play with them, feed them. I know this, and it is only the times when I am not prepared, or haven't planned that I get frustrated when they need me or want me for some reason. For example, my baby wants/needs to nurse, he loves that time, it's his. Maybe it's because he has to fight for attention among 3 others, in either case, he won't let go until he's ready. When I accept this truth and all that comes with it, I don't get frustrated or annoyed because he needs to nurse...again. The only time I get frustrated is when I expect HIM to change HIS needs, for MINE. And usually it's not my needs, it's my wants. Another example, if I want to exercise in the morning, I know I must either get up early before the kids wake, at least an hour before, or wait until they are fed breakfast, butts are changed, and they are dressed and ready for the day. Why? Well if I don't I will never get a workout in that's worth doing because they'll bug me until I do serve their needs, and then because I'm bugged, I lose my cool, claiming "WHY DON'T I EVER GET TO DO WHAT I WANT?!" The truth is I do get to do what I want, it's just delayed.

Here's my point. If I want to do something, anything for myself, then I must have a plan in place. I must be prepared before hand. So to those people who don't believe they have time for themselves, or that they have to put their kids needs before their own, it's just not true. We just have to plan ahead. We all have 24 hours in a day. Why is it that some can put their health into their schedule, but others NEVER have time? Why is that some can put a home cooked meal on the table more than once a week, while others get takeout instead? Why are some people able to see results from a workout program, while others see nothing change? One word: PREPARATION! Fail to plan, then plan to fail. Life throws curve balls, we know this, so PREPARE for it. Ask yourself, what can I do to make time for myself, whether it be health, or fun, or both? How can I simplify my life? How can I make time to do what I really want to do? What is REALLY important to me? PLAN, PLAN, PLAN...PREP, PREP, PREP... SUCCEED, SUCCEED, SUCCEED! It really is simple.

The Cleanse

I won't go into the boring details of how I did every day, but I will say it opened a whole can of worms. I was looking to cleanse my body, get rid of the tired, sluggish, junk filled everything and start fresh. What ended up happening was I started the cleansing of my negative self-talk and sabotage.

I have made several discoveries which is why I love that fitness, and nutrition are a lifestyle change not a quick fix. My lifestyle has done a complete 180 degrees. I truly believe that health comes in the mind as well as the body, and the biggest obstacle to overcome is what we tell ourselves every day. We become so accustomed to the negative voice in our head that we actually start to believe it's true. We believe that we have to talk to ourselves that way because it's the only way we can stay motivated. THAT IS THE BIGGEST LIE OF ALL!!!

I am a member of the Beachbody Club, and I visit the message boards regularly, with questions, and to pick the brains of the experts. More about that in a minute. During the cleanse I went on one of my sugar binges. Believe me when I tell you I gave myself the biggest thrashing of my life when I was finished. I told myself things I would never tell my worst enemy. I felt so low, depressed, and cried...hard. I went to the mirror and gave myself a long hard look, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't believe, me, who preaches healthy eating, and regular exercise, who does it for my job, could not control myself...AGAIN! That's when I decided to go to the message boards. I know it was not by accident that I found Tina Anderson who started a thread that has literally changed my world. I read her intro, and immediately related to everything she said. She gave me some suggestions, some tools she used, and long story short, I am a changed woman...literally!

I now know that my binges were an escape for me. There was something I have been trying to hide from that was deep inside. I didn't even know what it was, but she helped me figure it out. It has been a rough road, but EXTREMELY rewarding.

I wanted to let all of you know that becoming healthy is never a journey that needs to be taken alone. We are sometimes handed gifts that we can either accept or reject, but it's a gift non-the-less. Tina gave me a great gift, and I am so grateful I accepted. I could not have come this far without her, and her support. We didn't even know each other, but she shared herself, her success, and the tools she used to get there.

I want to pay it forward. A book I highly recommend is Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. If anything I've said has any relevance in your life, start there. I feel so light, and happy, and grateful.

Shifting How I SEE My Goals... Now It's About How It Feels!

Here I am, it's Monday, Mother's Day is over, and I seriously over indulged:( I'm not too happy with myself, but I'm over it. I am starting my 3-day Shakeology cleanse today, and I am refocusing on my health. I have had this goal in my mind that I want to reach 15% body fat, but my actions would speak otherwise. As I was thinking about it though, I think the vanity of the "ideal" body leaves me feeling sad, and over anxious. I'm not saying the goal is a bad thing, I just think I start throwing too many should's and should nots at myself.

So why am I doing the cleanse? I want to clear out all the junk from my system. This isn't a typical cleanse either. Instead of depriving my body of nutrients so my body eats away muscle, and other vital body parts, it packs my body full of nutrients, and cleans out the garbage. It's only 3 days because the calorie count is low, and any longer would have my body shifting to starvation mode. Instead, it allows my body to reach homeostasis, or regulates my body's internal condition, and stabilizes my health and functioning of my body. Now that is a VERY good thing. No deprivation, just cleaning out the impurities.

I feel I need it because I've become a bit of a sugar junky, especially lately. And I know it's affecting my body negatively. I'm more moody, tired, bloated, and I'm bonking during my workouts. My head also feels foggy. I want clarity and energy, so I know my body is telling me something has got to change, hence the cleanse. Oh and yoga! 3 days of focused, hard yoga. I am tuning in people! After that I'm refocusing my attention on eating for health, not for weight, or the "ideal" body size. I think all of that will happen naturally. It's not a big secret that processed foods, fake sugar, saturated fats, and refined carbs reek havoc on the body. And I am a testimony that it's affecting me in more ways then a slightly tighter pair of jeans.

My focus just needs a little tweaking. Food is fuel, and what I put in the tank will determine how long my body will last, plus help me push the envelope with fitness. I love an intense workout, but until I change my poor eating habits I'll never reach the level of fitness that I want.

But My Picture Doesn't Look Like That!!!

Okay, so I have figured out that getting my feelings OUT helps with sabotage. When I'm frustrated, or negative in any way it reflects on all aspects of my life, including food. Most of the time I don't realize what's got me down until I start talking it out, writing it down, or expressing it in some form. After I pin point it, suddenly I realize where I've been and then I am able to refocus. This is great news for after the fact, but how do I recognize it during? I want to be able to end it before it takes over my entire day, or even my entire week. I suppose when I feel low or negative I need to pause and reflect. It's much easier said than done, just for the mere fact that instant gratification, that food offers, can be hard to overcome, not impossible, but hard.

Just last night my husband compared it to baseball. We are both athletes so these kind of analogies work for me. We were discussing goals, and I told him I have this picture of what my goal looks like and how I plan on reaching it. When my actions, or the results don't fit into the picture I get frustrated and feel like a failure. I told him we have to have a layout of our goals, otherwise, how do they get accomplished? His response was, Lyen, in a baseball game the ultimate goal in the end is to win. You have every intention of hitting the ball when you're up to bat, but sometimes you strike out. He explained that when he played Division 1 baseball, in the finals, he went 0 for 3. At his 4th at bat he told himself a lot of people go 0 for 3, but am I going to let my previous record affect this moment, this opportunity to hit? He ended up making the game winning hit that scored 2 runs in the bottom of the 9th inning. Obviously he did not let what happened in the past affect that moment.

A light bulb went on for me, as it usually does when I get to the bottom of the crazy train...lol. He told me that we only have each moment, right now. The past doesn't matter, and neither does the future. Have your goals, that's great, but realize the journey to get there will probably never look like your picture. He said he never thought to himself "I want to win, but I think I'll strike out 3 times, and then hit my 4th time to win the game...lol" He definitely has a point.

I've experienced this often enough to know that life RARELY looks like the picture I have in

my head. Writing and talking it out though, really helps put things in perspective. Those negative thoughts that creep up usually have a lot to do with the way my picture is unfolding, oh NOOOO I must be doing something terribly wrong...HA! Seriously folks it seems so silly looking back, as it usually does. I gotta keep telling myself, one step at a time, just be in the moment, and let it unfold as it will.

Fitness is more than looking good? WHAT?!

No takers on THE ASYLUM, huh...that's okay, perhaps another time. I, however, could not take the anticipation any longer so I started this week. Day 1 proved to be a serious wake up call. That's right Lyenna, you are not as fit as you think you are. Here's your piece of humble pie. ARRRGH!!! First up was the fit test. I didn't do too bad, but I didn't do as well as the super athletes on the video, are they even human...seriously? And Shaun T I didn't know it was possible for you to be even more ripped. How in the world...? I suppose that means we're all a work in progress. I then thought, I have a little left maybe I can do the first video Speed & Agility. LOL...I don't know where my athleticism went, but I think I left it back in highschool 10 years ago. The warm-up is enough to have me crying TIME-OUT...WHAT IS THIS?! I have work to do people and it's not going to be pretty.

We all have a starting point. It's the place with the giant wall that says, "Ya Right, there is no way you can get through me, you're not good enough, strong enough, pretty enough, smart enough, you don't have enough money, time, energy, etc., etc."

There is a battle of the inner voices. One voice is soft, firm, and assuring. It is the voice we resonate with the most. When we connect we know it to our very core, and we have a vision of our potential and who we are. We know when this voice speaks, it is the truth. We feel light and happy. We know we can do anything and that our progress will come through time and effort. The journey is challenging, but what we receive in return is joy, and accomplishment.

The second voice throws a tantrum like a 2-year-old child, demanding attention NOW and will not relent...ever! When this voice speaks and we listen, we feel small and weak. This voice is much louder, but is also a deceiver. EVERYTHING it tells us is a LIE! When we listen to this voice our heart aches with pain and sorrow. It smothers us with ugliness, and self-loathing. It's only purpose is to bring us so low that we feel we have nothing to give or offer to this world. It knows if we believe those lies we won't share our gifts, and talents with anyone else.

What if I told you we can choose? Did you know that the voice you listen to the most is the voice you give power? One of the fastest ways to free ourselves from listening to the ugliness is through sharing with others. This video is an example of that. Why do we feel so good after watching things like that? I'll let you answer that question for yourself and then let you figure out how it applies:)

So what does this have to do with fitness? Fitness starts with a belief. That belief then turns to action. That action increases our belief in ourselves. That belief in ourselves then projects to others.

Fitness and nutrition feeds our physical body in more ways then "looking" good. When we work hard for something we are blessed with confidence and accomplishment. Feeling good about who we are then allows us to give. I'm not talking about monetary things, although that's good too, I'm talking about giving our joy and love to someone else. We, as a society, do a lot of walking around in our own little world. We barely talk to our neighbors. What if instead, we got up in the morning, did something for ourselves (like a workout and a nutritious breakfast;) and then we got to work on sharing our new found love for ourselves with someone else. Hello beautiful person I don't know, you look like you have your hands full, let me help you with that! Did you know that giving love actually increases our capacity to love?! We don't lose anything we actually gain! That is pretty exciting.

So which voice will you pay more attention to, and what sacrifices are you willing to make? True joy comes from effort, not smooth sailing and being idle. Why?! Because doing something challenging and getting through it feels AMAZING! If it were easy than what would be the point? Where is your starting point? It may not be THE ASYLUM, but does it matter? Whatever it is, go get it, and then bask in the joy of having done it:)

Facing Myself in the Mirror

I have felt like a failure lately. Just this morning I started out with a decent breakfast (egg whites, with soy sausage, on a whole wheat english muffin) but then just went crazy. I don't know what happened or even what I was feeling. I ate the rest of the brownies from the night before, 2 bowls of fruit loops, a bowl of raisin bran, and half a banana. I'm mortified to admit my weakness. It's hard to describe where it stems from, but I think I figured it out. I've been doing INSANITY and I'm on the last 2 weeks. It has been so hard, which seems so understated. My legs are completely dead by the end and I just don't have anything left to give. There have been times during the program where I've told myself it's too hard and I just don't have what it takes today, so I end early. It's happened only twice, but I feel like a failure. I am disappointed in my weakness, and for quitting. Of all things I chose to quit and give up!

I now have in my possession INSANITY: THE ASYLUM, the newest program from Beachbody. Where INSANITY is a 60 day program, this one is only 30 days. I'm intimidated and scared... REALLY scared. I fear seeing what's deep inside. I might have to see the REAL reflection of myself, the one that is hidden away, and I'm afraid if anyone really saw who I was I might not be accepted or loved. I am terrified of that. And ever since it arrived in the mail I have been eating poorly. I've been making choices with food that I don't usually make...and acting strange. I've given up before I've even tried. How could an exercise program make me feel that way?!

I realize I have a lot of fear and these programs make me face them. I push my body physically to the point that I have to "Dig Deeper" (one of Shaun T's favorite lines) mentally, and even emotionally. They're the kind of programs that make me stare into the mirror until I make the small, weak, fearful Lyenna come out and face the powerful, strong Lyenna. I'm afraid of being disappointed, or showing my weaknesses. And the powerful part of me brings out that fear more than anything else. I'm afraid of not having what it takes to succeed, that I won't succeed, and I fear that disappointment. I know THE ASYLUM will have me digging deeper into my heart than I ever have, and I'm afraid of what I'll see.

It's interesting, to me, the beliefs I have about myself. Sometimes I feel so small, and insignificant. I feel I am the victim of circumstance rather than the creator of it. I know the latter to be true, but I believe the first more often. Food sometimes becomes my outlet because it's something I can control, but then claim I can't. It's so easy to blame someone or something else.

I have a lot of dreams, ambitions, and goals. I'm not sure I can tackle all of them, at least not all at once, but I keep putting one foot in front of the other. I am learning, and now that I have pinpointed what my deal has been lately I can move forward. I am taking on THE ASYLUM as soon as I finish with INSANITY. That gives me 2 weeks, plus a recovery week, and then I get to see what I'm really made of. What if I actually do succeed, and instead of disappointment there is joy? That would be worth every ounce of sweat, and every bit of hard work I put into it. If you want to do this with me let me know. You can get THE ASYLUM here. And if you already have it then our start date will be Monday, May 9. Are you in?

Nutrition and the The Oprah Magazine. I have never purchased this magazine before, but there was an article featuring Darin Olien, and 6 super foods that happened to be in Shakeology. Which just happens to be a shake I have every day because it's a nutrition power house. Needless to say I was enlightened by all our Earth has to offer. Hippocrates said "Let food by thy medicine, and medicine be thy food." I always wondered how that was possible with all the over-processed, over-salted, overly sugared foods we have surrounding us...EVERYWHERE! And we wonder why we have cravings. Read this article and you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about. It's the May 2011 issue.

So about nutrition...

Exercise I'm great at. I can push myself to the brink, sweat buckets, run, jump, and still play with my kids at the park. In fact I'm taking on INSANITY: THE ASYLUM as soon as I'm done with INSANITY. But food is rough. I love the sweet things, and salty things, and not-good-for-you things. Unlike Darin Olien, bless that man, I don't eat all natural, unprocessed, non-antibiotic, etc. I have 4 kids, a small salary, and let's face it, our American society makes garbage cheap, and healthy expensive...what's that about...seriously. We could delve into conspiracy, but I'd rather not. I do my best however, and throughout this blog I will share the things I eat, and how I get my kids to eat what I eat:) I try to get as many fruits and veggies in as possible. I cut out as much saturated fat as possible, and make the carbs I eat the good kind...but not always. I have triggers, A LOT, of triggers...namely stress induced by children kind. I can't read about food because it has me looking in the pantry, or fridge. Those marketers on magazines, and TV are good...and they know it.

I considered putting a before and after photo of myself on this blog. You know the typical sports bra, bare tummy, and a pair of swim bottoms, or shorts, but then I decided not to. You'll see photos of me, but I'll be fully clothed. It's not that I think those photos are bad, it's actually because I discovered something about them and about myself. I am extremely hard on myself. I am the first to criticize my weaknesses, and short comings. I pick apart my body, 4 kids has deflated my breasts, unless I'm nursing, and created a spider web of stretch marks all over my stomach. But that's not even the reason why I decided not to show it off this time...I say this time because I've shown before and afters before. This blog, however, is going to be different because when I see someone's before and after, someone who, in my mind, has a perfect body that they've worked so hard for and ABSOLUTELY deserve, I start to feel bad about my own accomplishments (trigger). I feel like I'm a failure because I work really hard, but I don't see myself having accomplished such a feat. I know it sounds crazy, but if there happens to be anyone out there like me than this blog is for you:) Besides I have very white, pasty skin, and so I never wear a two-piece anyway so I figure no one will ever see that much of me besides my husband.

So join me as I fall, succeed, fall, succeed, etc., etc. This is My Fitness Life. What will yours be?