The Cleanse

I won't go into the boring details of how I did every day, but I will say it opened a whole can of worms. I was looking to cleanse my body, get rid of the tired, sluggish, junk filled everything and start fresh. What ended up happening was I started the cleansing of my negative self-talk and sabotage.

I have made several discoveries which is why I love that fitness, and nutrition are a lifestyle change not a quick fix. My lifestyle has done a complete 180 degrees. I truly believe that health comes in the mind as well as the body, and the biggest obstacle to overcome is what we tell ourselves every day. We become so accustomed to the negative voice in our head that we actually start to believe it's true. We believe that we have to talk to ourselves that way because it's the only way we can stay motivated. THAT IS THE BIGGEST LIE OF ALL!!!

I am a member of the Beachbody Club, and I visit the message boards regularly, with questions, and to pick the brains of the experts. More about that in a minute. During the cleanse I went on one of my sugar binges. Believe me when I tell you I gave myself the biggest thrashing of my life when I was finished. I told myself things I would never tell my worst enemy. I felt so low, depressed, and cried...hard. I went to the mirror and gave myself a long hard look, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't believe, me, who preaches healthy eating, and regular exercise, who does it for my job, could not control myself...AGAIN! That's when I decided to go to the message boards. I know it was not by accident that I found Tina Anderson who started a thread that has literally changed my world. I read her intro, and immediately related to everything she said. She gave me some suggestions, some tools she used, and long story short, I am a changed woman...literally!

I now know that my binges were an escape for me. There was something I have been trying to hide from that was deep inside. I didn't even know what it was, but she helped me figure it out. It has been a rough road, but EXTREMELY rewarding.

I wanted to let all of you know that becoming healthy is never a journey that needs to be taken alone. We are sometimes handed gifts that we can either accept or reject, but it's a gift non-the-less. Tina gave me a great gift, and I am so grateful I accepted. I could not have come this far without her, and her support. We didn't even know each other, but she shared herself, her success, and the tools she used to get there.

I want to pay it forward. A book I highly recommend is Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. If anything I've said has any relevance in your life, start there. I feel so light, and happy, and grateful.

Shifting How I SEE My Goals... Now It's About How It Feels!

Here I am, it's Monday, Mother's Day is over, and I seriously over indulged:( I'm not too happy with myself, but I'm over it. I am starting my 3-day Shakeology cleanse today, and I am refocusing on my health. I have had this goal in my mind that I want to reach 15% body fat, but my actions would speak otherwise. As I was thinking about it though, I think the vanity of the "ideal" body leaves me feeling sad, and over anxious. I'm not saying the goal is a bad thing, I just think I start throwing too many should's and should nots at myself.

So why am I doing the cleanse? I want to clear out all the junk from my system. This isn't a typical cleanse either. Instead of depriving my body of nutrients so my body eats away muscle, and other vital body parts, it packs my body full of nutrients, and cleans out the garbage. It's only 3 days because the calorie count is low, and any longer would have my body shifting to starvation mode. Instead, it allows my body to reach homeostasis, or regulates my body's internal condition, and stabilizes my health and functioning of my body. Now that is a VERY good thing. No deprivation, just cleaning out the impurities.

I feel I need it because I've become a bit of a sugar junky, especially lately. And I know it's affecting my body negatively. I'm more moody, tired, bloated, and I'm bonking during my workouts. My head also feels foggy. I want clarity and energy, so I know my body is telling me something has got to change, hence the cleanse. Oh and yoga! 3 days of focused, hard yoga. I am tuning in people! After that I'm refocusing my attention on eating for health, not for weight, or the "ideal" body size. I think all of that will happen naturally. It's not a big secret that processed foods, fake sugar, saturated fats, and refined carbs reek havoc on the body. And I am a testimony that it's affecting me in more ways then a slightly tighter pair of jeans.

My focus just needs a little tweaking. Food is fuel, and what I put in the tank will determine how long my body will last, plus help me push the envelope with fitness. I love an intense workout, but until I change my poor eating habits I'll never reach the level of fitness that I want.

But My Picture Doesn't Look Like That!!!

Okay, so I have figured out that getting my feelings OUT helps with sabotage. When I'm frustrated, or negative in any way it reflects on all aspects of my life, including food. Most of the time I don't realize what's got me down until I start talking it out, writing it down, or expressing it in some form. After I pin point it, suddenly I realize where I've been and then I am able to refocus. This is great news for after the fact, but how do I recognize it during? I want to be able to end it before it takes over my entire day, or even my entire week. I suppose when I feel low or negative I need to pause and reflect. It's much easier said than done, just for the mere fact that instant gratification, that food offers, can be hard to overcome, not impossible, but hard.

Just last night my husband compared it to baseball. We are both athletes so these kind of analogies work for me. We were discussing goals, and I told him I have this picture of what my goal looks like and how I plan on reaching it. When my actions, or the results don't fit into the picture I get frustrated and feel like a failure. I told him we have to have a layout of our goals, otherwise, how do they get accomplished? His response was, Lyen, in a baseball game the ultimate goal in the end is to win. You have every intention of hitting the ball when you're up to bat, but sometimes you strike out. He explained that when he played Division 1 baseball, in the finals, he went 0 for 3. At his 4th at bat he told himself a lot of people go 0 for 3, but am I going to let my previous record affect this moment, this opportunity to hit? He ended up making the game winning hit that scored 2 runs in the bottom of the 9th inning. Obviously he did not let what happened in the past affect that moment.

A light bulb went on for me, as it usually does when I get to the bottom of the crazy train...lol. He told me that we only have each moment, right now. The past doesn't matter, and neither does the future. Have your goals, that's great, but realize the journey to get there will probably never look like your picture. He said he never thought to himself "I want to win, but I think I'll strike out 3 times, and then hit my 4th time to win the game...lol" He definitely has a point.

I've experienced this often enough to know that life RARELY looks like the picture I have in

my head. Writing and talking it out though, really helps put things in perspective. Those negative thoughts that creep up usually have a lot to do with the way my picture is unfolding, oh NOOOO I must be doing something terribly wrong...HA! Seriously folks it seems so silly looking back, as it usually does. I gotta keep telling myself, one step at a time, just be in the moment, and let it unfold as it will.